Everyone is all so different. Some of us have a charismatic ability when we are around others. Some of us are easily offended and get upset. And then some of us aren't charismatic or easily offended and just take things in stride stay calm and unaffected.
My children all seem to possess one of the above characteristics. I'm not sure which one I have. And that really doesn't matter. But I do have one child that life just seems to be a little bit harder for. She gets offended easily and lashes back quickly. Her tongue is sharp and her temper flares. But then she forgives so quickly and is so helpful and loving. She is either on or off. One extreme or the other. Not in the bipolar sense. Just moody.
There are times when she refuses to practice her piano. Then her mouth gets the best of her. Or her sister will wiggle the bunk bed too much while she is climbing to the top. Or her sister will flip the light on in the morning. Or someone will accidentally block her way or step in the way. And she lashes out.
The conflict we had last night began with piano. She hurried in and practiced her piano in about 2 minutes. Told me it was done. Her piano teacher had just mentioned to me that effective practicing wasn't happening and the lesson plan wasn't being followed and could I please double check practicing? So that is what I was doing. I asked her to get the lesson plan and then I asked her if she had done each individual item. Of course the answer was no to everything. She had not practiced her assignment. And then her mouth lost control. I asked her to please talk nice to me so she quit talking. But the glares I got could kill. I asked to have that stop. She mouthed off again, had to do laps in the backyard. I told her she wouldn't be able to play with her friend after school the next day without practicing. However, she needed to go to bed because this situation just wasn't working.
She did go to bed. But this morning she was still fuming. Wouldn't hardly talk to me. And in scripture reading with the children this morning we read this verse:
3 Nephi 29-30
29 For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
30 Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.
I can't really get rid of this child, nor do I want to.
But we can't have the spirit of contention in our home. I have pondered a lot on this trying to figure out how to handle the situation.
We also sing a song as we begin our scripture reading. It is the same song each day for the entire month. Yes, it does get old, but the children are learning the hymns. The song we are learning this month is "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel". And in that song it says,
". . . and work and watch and fight and pray with all your might and zeal."
We need to work. We also need to fight for that which is right. And definitely pray. You have to pray.
So how do you work, watch, fight, and pray fervently without creating the spirit of contention?
The Savior threw the money changers out of the temple. He overturned the tables. He fought for that which was right. And I know he did it without the spirit of contention. Miracle right there!
I also know that should not provoke our children. Which is why I asked my daughter to go ahead and go to bed. Verse 30 above says that we should not stir up the heart one with another. Provoking my child would be doing just that.
Now I have to figure out what to do. I know piano isn't anything comparable to the money changers at the temple. And I have to fight for what is right, not whether my child becomes more talented. But I do have to fight for the spirit of peace in my home. And the sharp words, dirty looks, and short tempers are not okay. They bring the spirit of contention into my home.
I think I am beginning to figure out a solution, which is how the spirit speaks to me, reveals things to me. I start to have ideas that build upon thought and things I read, conversation I may have with others. I think the answer lies within myself. I still need to teach. I still need to love. I still need patience. I also need to make sure that love is in my heart, in my speech, and mannerisms as I teach my children. As I handle the situation with this child. Specifically this child.
I can't change my child and how she feels. That is her responsibility.
I can change how I handle things. I can do the same kind of things without letting the spirit of contention in my heart. I can also be careful that I don't provoke my child. I can throw the money changers out. I can correct the behavior. But I can't let that contention in my heart. And I need to be careful of what I do and say so that I am showing love and not provocation. That's where the work part of that song comes into play. Anytime we want solutions and help with our problems, we have to be willing to work. Anything of value always require work. When I figure this out it will be invaluable!
I still need to work on my solution. It will come. It always does when I couple it with prayer. And part of it came this morning as we were reading 3rd Nephi together along with the song. Heavenly Father is real. He is very aware of our needs. He wants to communicate with us. The hard part is we have to be willing to listen. And listen in subtle ways. He is there.