Wintergirls

I recently read a book that really got me thinking. It is titled Wintergirls. It is about two girls, one anorexia and the other bulemic. It is written from the perspective of the anorexic girl. It isn't a book that I would give a 5 star to, I would probably rate it at about a 2, the first 100 pages were rather depressing. But it hooked me. Why would anyone starve themselves? What would cause an 18 year-old girl to do that? I really wanted to know. Why would you think you are fat when you are 100 pounds?

And then towards the end of the book it said something that really got me thinking. She said her goal weight was 95 pounds. After that her ultimate goal weight was 90 pounds. And then a few chapters later as she started to realize her illness, she realized that she would never be happy until her weight was 0 pounds. Even when her knees were bigger then her thighs, she still viewed herself as fat. Obviously her reality was warped.

So why did this book really get me thinking? Not really sure. I do remember being really thin as a teenager. I wasn't anorexic although a lot of people called me "Anorexic Anna". I was 5 ft 7" and 100 pounds. Then I got married. I remember being 110 pounds and thinking a had quite a gut. I dream of being that small again, how could I have ever thought I was fat? And then after I delivered baby #2, I went to my 6 weeks follow-up appointment and asked the doctor why my weight was above 120 pounds. He said most people dream of being as small as I was, yet I felt huge.

And here I am after baby #6 and I have the same feelings. My weight is obviously more. But when will I ever be at peace with where I am at? Will I be like the girl in the book that is never satisfied with her weight, even when her knees are bigger then her thighs? Thank goodness I am not willing to go to extremes to loose weight. Actually, I am eating as I please because I have a nursing baby and want to keep it that way. It has just been a thought. It has eased my mind knowing that I may never be content, so get over it and worry about the things that really matter.

Things that really matter. The paretns in the book never had time for the girl. It hurt her. They were too busy with their work. She looked at her ability to starve herself as a strength, as control. So what can I do? I have amazing children who I always want the very best for. I can not buy them much. My time is spread pretty thin trying to care for a baby and still cook, clean, laundry, church calling, etc. But I can make a concious effort to make time for each of my children, to let them know they are very important to me. And I can do this often.

I like books like these that teach me, give me a new perspective. It isn't a book I would give more then 3 stars to, but I am glad I read it. It helped bring me peace and to be okay with who I am, where I am at today. And to make sure I give my children my attention instead of some other thing.