Easter Sunday 2012 & the Importance of Journaling.

Here is my gorgeous children on Easter Sunday. We were at my parent's home.

But here is also the thing. I didn't journal about it until three months later. It is now July. This happened in April. And I remember we had good times, but I can't for the life of me remember the details. Or even the not so much details. Crazy how our memories fade so quickly.

 I read an article in the Ensign about how to get back to the basics. Not sure which month it was, I know it appeared in the 2011-2012 school year. But the message I extracted from the article is that we need to slow things down. Not be so busy. If we are too crowded with even good things, but none the less too crowded, we don't have time for the spirit to speak to us. It suggested stripping everything away and adding in scripture reading, prayer, and journaling. Then begin adding in small things. I wish I knew the article so I could read it again. The one thing that stands out to me in the commandment we have to write in our journal.

 I was always so good at writing in my journal until I got married. Not sure what changed or why I quit. But I did. Then I started super scrapbooking and did a lot of journaling in there. The problem with that was that you had to scrapbook a page and at the rate I was adding children, I didn't have much time to scrapbook. Blogging was a blessing sent from heaven to help me with my journaling. I know journaling is important and I do want to do it. I really enjoy writing. And I enjoy reading what I wrote later on.

 Although this post has nothing to do with Easter Sunday 2012, only the pictures correlate to that, it is a firm reminder why journaling is so important. At least for me. My brain cannot remember. Memories fade so quickly.

 Now to just get this blog slurped into a book so I can have these memories if anything ever happened to the Internet or electricity or whatever.

TEE Test

I think I am done with testing. At least for this year. Had that down- my- throat ultrasound done. Don't remember it because I got to sleep through it. Yay!

 I do remember the results.

My regurgitation is moderate. They don't really need to do anything until it becomes severe. So that is really good news. However, because it is moderate, it will become severe. And that means open heart surgery in my future. The type surgery where they crack your chest open, pull out your heart, detach it from your body, fix it, put it back in, and everything is better. Well, better after 2 months of no lifting. 2 months of not being able to take care of my family. But that's just details, right?

I'm almost at peace with where this is at. I know what will happen and I am fortunate it will not be this year.

I can still exercise. I can still walk my kids to and from school. I can still do almost everything I was doing before. I need to take some fun meds to slow the progress of this. I don't like the idea of having to take medications. But I also need to take care of my body so I can be around to take care of my family.

I have a follow-up appointment this week. Hopefully I don't find out anything I don't already know. Shouldn't.

So really, I'm doing good. Everything is okay. It was a bit of a shocker and a little hard to digest the information at first. And obviously my last few posts reflect that. Probably should have deleted them because of how much emotion I expressed in them. But I am resisting. This is my life and it's what's happening. It is very real. And at times very scary. But it will all be okay.

April Fools Day 2012

Happy April Fool's Day! We celebrated it again this year, although it wasn't such a shocker this year. The kids weren't surprised and ate EVERYTHING with hesitation. Imagine that.We started the morning with a breakfast of eggs (yogurt with a peach half.) Lunch was the usual cinnamon rolls for conference weekend, only they weren't cinnamon. they had sausage and cheese in them topped with country gravy to look like frosting. They were super tasty. However, Spencer and Nathan wouldn't even try them. I went back for 3rds! I think I may keep that recipe and try it for a normal breakfast.

 For supper we had ice cream sundaes with caramel sauce and a cherry on top. We also had Kool-Aide and cupcakes with blue frosting. And carrots. But really what was for supper disguised as these tasty treats was mashed potatoes and grave with a cherry tomato, shepherds pie with tinted mashed potatoes, and jello for the drink that was seriously undrinkable.

Can you tell the kids were excited? They really were and had a lot of fun. Well, not Spencer. He kept asking why I was making the food look different. He didn't understand. It kind of made me chuckle. Maybe I will have to take a break from it next year so I can have the surprise factor.

PET Scan results

I am learning too much about the heart. Of course that is usually the case about anything. You have to learn about it when you are faced with problems. I can tell you a lot about trichotilomania. Or breech babies. Or labor with and without an epidural. I know quite a bit about breast feeding. Or scrubbing floors. Or making cinnamon rolls. Or getting out stains.

I finally had some good news regarding my little heart issue. I do attribute it to the miraculous blessings that come through the power of prayer. It seemed like through all my visits to the cardiologist I kept getting bad news. The "regurgitation" problem, or valve that leaks, went from it's original diagnosis of "mild to moderate" to "moderate" and now to "moderate to severe". Severe being the point where open heart surgery is needed.

And then when the doctor tells you that you will be lucky to make it to age 50 on this heart. Getting some good news, even though there is still a lot of bad news going on, seems so refreshing.

I survived the PET scan. It was more intense then I had anticipated. Basically I showed up to the office fasting. They put in an IV, which they weren't successful with the first poke. No big deal, right? Well, turns out my emotions couldn't quite handle that. The nurse missed the vein and called for another nurse to come in and try. All of a sudden I started sweating and the walls started closing in on me. I told the nurse that I needed to lay down fast. Good thing she reclined that seat because I was passing out. The other nurse came in to give my veins a try and asked what the problem was. The first nurse said something like, "she has too many children to be having a heart problem." And that is where I lost it. I started sobbing uncontrollably. And I'm not even pregnant! I quickly gained control and realized how ridiculous I must have appeared to be bawling over a small missed vein. The second nurse had a go at the needle and got my vein with the first try.

Then they had me go into the room with the huge donut. I had to lay on this table which they wheeled inside this enormous circle machine with a tiny small donut hole in the middle which I had to barely fit into. My face was right up against the opening. And I was instructed not to move. To lie perfectly still. Only for 35 minutes.

That is not easy!

So they started some music, which was nice. Don't quite know where my mind was, probably in survival mode. The nurse kept inserting cold liquids into my IV. And then she would walk away to turn the big donut picture machine on. While I am laying there trying with all my might not to scratch that itch on my eye brow, thinking that I am too young to even have to be having a scan like this, guess what song started playing? If I Die Young by The Band Perry. Seriously? Were the techs not paying attention at all to the music playing. And of course the tears start streaming down the sides of my face, which I can't wipe. And my chest starts heaving up and down, I'm not supposed to move at all. And then I started to laugh. Still not moving. It was all too much. Almost like a big joke. And laughter is the best cure.

Then came time to inject me with the stuff that would make my heart beat super hard and fast, make me short of breath, AND cause serious cramping in my legs and arms and feet and abs and everywhere else. Oh, and I had to lie perfectly still though the whole of it.

Okay. Ready to move onto the results.

My heart looks beautiful. No blockage anywhere. Handles stress very well.  That means I can continue exercising. I asked the doctor if I was okay to push myself super hard, harder then I've ever pushed myself on the treadmill and he said absolutely. In fact he told me it would be good for me.

Yes! I can still be active.

I do still have the regurgitation, which will mean eventually valve repair that requires open heart surgery. I have another test this week which will be able to look closer at how bad the regurgitation is. They will be doing a scope at the hospital to get a closer look.  From there they will determine how soon the surgery will be needed.

I'm not scared like I was. I know all will be well. Getting good results with the PET scan seemed to have calmed me down.

Thanks for all your prayers. I know they helped. And thank you, Sunnie, for the M&M's on my front porch. I enjoyed every one of them. And I also thoroughly enjoyed the swim to burn them off.

And a little side note. I have had to stop nursing that baby of mine. You know, the radiation they put in my for the PET scan would probably not be good for that guy. And the anesthesia they will be giving me this week is probably not so good for him either. I can't just quit cold turkey because I am very susceptible to mastitis. So I am pumping. I pumped the night after the PET scan, and the milk had a tint of green.  I HAD GREEN MILK! Good thing he didn't drink that stuff!

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PET Test

Sometimes life gives us a good look at mortality. Sometimes it stares us straight in the eyes. And as much as we like to think we are invincible, we just simply aren't.

My heart has been giving me a bit of a scare lately. Just not acting normal. As much as I tried to ignore the irregular beats and palpitations, they've only gotten worse over the years. I finally went to see a cardiologist. I was the youngest person sitting in the waiting room. Probably the only one still nursing a baby (yes, I should have weaned him a few months ago, I have no excuses).

The doctor listened to my heart, said, yah, I hear something. But don't worry. You are super active and in very good weight. But let's be sure and do one of those ultrasounds, called an echo cardiogram.

After, the doctor came in and said, "this is bad."

Not really the words you want to hear from a doctor. A cardiologist.

He said what he saw was something he would typically see on a person that was 80 years old and super overweight. Yes, I am paraphrasing. He probably used more technical terms.

So I wore a monitor for 48 hours to really see more of what was going on. And the results?

Worse then what they thought.

I have a leaky heart. It is called "moderate mitral valve regurgitation". Most likely I was born with it. A surgery would fix the problem. They still need to run a few tests to be sure of the diagnosis. I have to go in this Friday for what is called a PET test. It is similar to a stress test, you get injected with a bunch of medications that speed up your heart and they watch to see how your heart reacts. I guess it costs somewhere around $22,000 just for the simple test. Good thing for health insurance. Hopefully it's covered.


Do they know I swim for over an hour 3 times a week? And I walk 2 1/2 miles a day? I've never been overweight in my life? Oh, and I have 6 children all under the age of 12? I am not supposed to have this happening to me.

If I end of having to have the surgery, it is a very common surgery. The doctors do it all the time. It is not a big deal for them. However for me, I would not be able to lift more then 5 pounds for 2 months. Probably a 2 week hospital stay. Kind of scary. It is full blown open heart surgery. 

I will get one of those nice zipper scars on my chest. A conversation piece.

After the PET test they will know more and will schedule me at the hospital to go in with cameras to get a better look at my heart. From there we will know more. But until then, I'm a little nervous. Everything will be fine, the unknown is what gets me. And I have great family and friends near, so in the event that I do have to have this major surgery, I have support.

Anyone want to take on 6 kids for 2 months? That alone is pretty scary.

Hopefully when they go in for the scope they will find all the tests performed so far have been wrong and really my heart is a nice healthy one. That I've made this all up.

So if you think about it, please offer me a prayer. I could use it right now.

Square Foot Gardening

I don't have much of a green thumb. I think it is more from a lack in confidence rather than just the inability to grow plants. I married a man that is the son of a super duper whopper of a green thumb. Evans mom can grow anything anywhere in any season. And she passed some of those supurb talents onto her son.

That can be a little intimidating when I have little, if any, gardening experience. I do know how to mow a lawn, but that's where it stops.

I'm easily intimidated. But not easily defeated. I will own up to my inability, but doing so pushes my drive to figure it out.

So here I am having a go at square foot gardening. I researched it, talked to some friends about their experience, and pushed those inadequate, defeating, nervous feelings aside and decided to just go for it.

My children helped pick out seeds and plant them. It was a great time. And I thought it turned out kind of nice.

Until I saw a bird in the garden pecking at the seeds. I hear the bugs can be pretty brutal too. Planted marigolds to help with that.

So here is my garden. Hopefully it will grow. And if not, we will try a fall garden. I have to figure this out. I can't go down defeated.

My 6th Child

Can you tell this is my 6th child? He isn't quite a year and a half. This kind of thing used to freak me out. Now I know he is a monkey, has a superior grip, and probably won't fall. If he does, he knows how to catch himself without a bump or bruise.

I'm so much more relaxed than I used to be. Hopefully that's a good thing.

And used to my children would NEVER be caught in just a diaper. Maybe I'm a little too relaxed.

Fast Sunday

Sunday Spencer asked Taneal, "Is today fast Sunday?"

Taneal told him that it was not.

Spencer, "Oh. So today we can go slow?"

Taneal then explained to Spencer what fast Sunday was. (How did I miss this? My children are all fully educated in the gospel. They know everything.)

And Spencer's comment with a look of shock on his face, "YOU CHOOSE TO BE HUNGRY? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?"

Maybe one day he will understand.

Close Call

I was driving down one of the main, busiest streets around here, driving past one of the big subdivisions, and all of a sudden I hear a loud bang and then the sound of glass falling. I look in my rear-view mirror and see a big hole in the back window of my car, right next to where Nathan is sitting. I hurried and pulled over, which can be scary in and of itself, and frantically got out and made sure nothing had hurt Nathan. Glass was all around him but he was not hurt. He evn thought it was soo cool not to have a wondow anymore. 

Then my brain started to digest what happened.

A guy using a weed whacker along the mail road flipped a rock that hit the window and shattered it. Fluke. Thankfully Nathan wasn't hurt. Yes, glass was all over the car, some pieces even in his car seat. It could have been bad, but wasn't.

(This is a picture where we taped the glass so I could drive home and not have glass falling everywhere.)

However, the car was basically undriveable. Every bump or turn I made made more glass fall into the car. I drove the car home and parked it until I could have a glass company come out and replace the window.

Taneal's 12th B-day Party

Taneal turned 12. And so we threw her a birthday party. I saw the idea on Pinterest and couldn't resist. A "spa" party. Complete with sleeping mask invitations, homemade bath salts and lip gloss, and fun games. Not to mention yummy food. Oh, and relaxing music playing in the background. I had Taneal limit the friends she invited, I didn't think I could do manicures and pedicures on too many girls. I even had a super wonderful friend come over and help with the party. It was a lot of fun and Taneal LOVED it.

 Here is the food table. Below is not shown the pizza. Got to have pizza at a 12 year-old birthday party.

 Here they are playing the game Blind Man Make-up. One person is blind folded while putting make-up on the lucky girl. The results were great, the girsl couldn't stop laughing, and everyone was such a good sport.

After that game we did face masks and Satin Hands. Super fun, especially when you add cucumbers to the eyes.

I made cupcakes for Taneal so she could use her new cupcake holder. I added eatible pearls to the cupcakes and Taneal was in love!

And then the final game was cucumber stacking. I cut up several cucumbers and the object of the game was to see who could stack the most cucumbers on a girl. I don't think we ended up really counting because they were giggling and having so much fun being silly.

To take home, the girls got homemade bath salts and homemade lip gloss. Super fun, super relaxing, and happy birthday to my young lady!

Books Read in 2011

I love, love, love to read. Each year I set a goal to read 12 books becuase sometimes life gets too busy and I don't take the time to read. And once I dive into a book I remember why I make that same goal for myself every year. It makes me take time for myself and do something I love. And I don't mean that in a selfish sort of way. It also makes me feel like I have a brain again. Like I can do more than cook and clean and change poopy diapers. So here is to this last year and all the books I read (maybe a few more than 12, but who's counting?):

Matched by Allie Condie


Bonds that Make Us Free by C. Terry Warner

The New Testament, King James Version

The Hourglass Door by Lisa Mangum

The Doctrine and Covenants

Savvy by Ingrid Law

A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers

Unbroken: A World War II Story by Laura Hillenbrand

The Maze Runner by James Dashner

The Lightening Thief by Rick Riordan

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

An Echo in the Darkness by Francine Rivers

As Sure As the Dawn by Francine Rivers

Among the Hidden by Margaret Haddix

The Dad in Me

I think I am turning into my dad. No, I don't have the harry chest yet and I am not yet balding. But I am loosing my eye brows like him.

I did something this morning and after, I realized I had learned that little trick from my dad. I took several pitchers of water and dumped them all over my tile floor. Then I got a cleaning rag and spread the water around, then took that same cleaning rag and sopped up all the water. The result was a perfectly clean floor, nothing crusted on it and even the grout was clean.

I remember as a child my dad, or maybe it was my mom, taking pitchers of water and dumping them on the floor with a little shout of "oops" every time they dumped more water on the floor. That little exclamation made me so mad. It was horrible enough that they had to dump water on the floor that I had to clean up, but to add the "oops" to it was just too much. Why couldn't they just mop the floor with a mop like normal people? A little pine sol? Nope, not us. We had water dumped on the floor that took FOREVER to clean up.

Last night as I was cleaning up, as I was sweeping, I was overwhelmed with all the nastiness on my floor. All the crusties that would take some serious elbow grease scrubbing to remove. And I just didn't have the energy. I am usually a weekly hand scrubber of my floor, but I have let that slide over the last month, using a mop, which really doesn't achieve the same results. Especially when you let children use that mop.

Now I see why my dad used this horrible dumping of water all over the floor. It softens things up and makes the job so much easier. I used to be able to hand mop a floor with not too much effort. But the traffic of 6 messy children in my home is making me resort to things I swore I would never do.

Swim-a-thon

Remember the Summer of Seals that I did last summer? And if I wasn't blogging from my phone I would link it. But I guess there are some drawbacks from laying in bed and blogging. And when you get done reading this post you will understand why it is 7:30 and my kids are already tucked in bed and I am ready to fall fast asleep.

When Summer of Seals started, I couldn't swim. I listened to a lot of people, had Taneal critique me, and I figured out how to do the breaststroke. I was so pleased with myself because I had accomplished so much. However, I still couldn't do freestyle, and that really bothered me.

And then I went and joined a gym. I decided that regardless of my weight, exercise is just healthy. And I want to be healthy. I started running on the treadmill, using the elliptical, and lifting some weights. It was good. Something I could incorporate into my everyday routine. And the company wasn't too shabby, two of my good friends consistently went to the gym and did the elliptical with me.

And then I was looking over the classes offered and discovered they have a lap swimming class. This wasn't swim lessons, this is lap swimming. The qualifications to be able to take this class is the ability to swim 200 yards.

That's me! I can swim 500 yards. I did it at Summer of Seals.

I showed up for the first class and the teacher said to warm-up with 200 yards freestyle.

Not me! I can't do that! But I had to do that. And so I did. I felt like I was drowning! No kidding. But the teacher said something like why don't you try this, and maybe try that. And by the end of the class I was utterly exhausted. But I was swimming freestyle.

She said it would take me a good 3 weeks before I felt like I could really breathe. And she was right. The class is 75 minutes of swimming.

Today was the annual swim-a-thon. What that means is you swim for 60 minutes, no breaks, no stopping. And that is what I did.

The results? I am so ready to go to bed. I swam 2600 yards! That is 52 laps. Or 104 times the length of the pool. I started 200 freestyle and then alternated 25 freestyle 25 breaststroke. The worst part was the first 100. And then I got into a groove and the rest just flew.

I was so pleased. It really is quite an accomplishment. Especially where I came from a year ago. And it was so fun to have two of my good friends right there with me swimming along side me. They started taking the class a week or so after I started. And it has been fun. We were all so impressed with our accomplishment.

I can't wait to beat my time next year!

Taneal gets her ears pierced

I said 8. Evan said never. We compromised on 12.

Taneal turned 12 this year. Two days before her birthday, I called Evan and asked if I could go ahead early and surprise taneal and get her ears pierced. He agreed, so I found a sitter, took taneal to the mall. As we pulled into the parking lot, I told taneal what we were doing.

Taneal has wanted her ears pierced for as long as I can remember. When she was 8 she begged and begged and finally Evan told her if she asked even one more time she would never get her ears pierced. So she quit asking and started wearing those magnetic earrings.

So guess Taneals reaction when we pulled into the mall parking lot and I let her in on what we were doing?

She bawled. She didnt just shed a few little tears. She cried and cried for a good 30 minutes.

What?!?!

This goes to show Taneals personality. She said she wasn't 12 yet so she couldn't get the pierced yet. You dont break the rules, even a little. And , I kind of sprung something huge on her without warning. Thats a big no no also. Taneal has never done well with surprises. She likes to plan and prepare.

So we left the mall, tears streaming, no ear piercing.

I had looked forward to this day for years. And then she cried and refused to do it. And I certainly wasn't going to force her. Didn't even want to try to talk her into it. You know, it needs to be her choice.

And then her birthday rolled around 2 days later and Taneal was ready. She announced that morning that when I brought her lunch to school, we could just go ahead and leave and get her ears pierced. She wanted to make her 12th bday memorable.

I warned her that if I picked her up from school and checked her out early that once we left the school there was no changing her mind.

And she did it. No hesitation at all. And doesn't she look gorgeous?